Grow my own?

Something I feel that needs to be published LOUD AND CLEAR... How can people discriminate against someone because of the medicine that helps them?  I mean...

If I needed morphine, and my doctor agreed, I would NOT be allowed to grow the poppies that my medicine will come from.  I would not need to find a place that would allow me to grow my own medicine.  I would not have to reimburse someone what they are out for raising it for me.  I would not have to be COMPLETELY responsible for my medicine, yet this is what I am expected to do in Montana under Senator Essman's advice.

Why am I writing this? Because I am not able to grow a plant.  Really.  I've killed a cactus - and it wasn't from over- or under-watering!  Plants and I have a love-hate relationship.  I love plants and they hate it when I come near them.  I wish I were exaggerating.  Let me share with you an experiment my husband and I conducted...

We have a nice little house.  In front of our home, we both decided to plant some bulbs and have a wonderful spring garden.  Our order arrived and we each took one side of the front yard and planted our bulbs per directions from the nursery.  My husband's flowers have been BEAUTIFUL for years.

My flowers haven't come up.  The only thing that has come up are two bulbs - a tulip and a grape hyacinth - planted after they were broken apart.  I put them in the ground hoping they might grow one day but expecting nothing from them.  They have grown and flourished.  The other flowers I planted?  Nothing.  I can't even tell they were even there!  Anyone who pulls up to our home sees the beautiful flowers my husband planted.  My side of the house? EMPTY.  Dead.  Sad...

I feel that sorrow, especially when one is told, "YOU MUST GROW YOUR OWN MEDICINE."

Now, I am an intelligent woman, I know a little about a lot of things.  However, I do NOT have a degree in chemistry or horticulture and I will be the first to say when I don't know something.  I KNOW I am NOT ABLE to grow or produce the MEDICINE I NEED.  I need someone who can grow the cannabis for me. I don't have much money but I will pay for what I use - I do NOT expect someone to give me something like this!  I am NOT a person who is ENTITLED to anything other than the rights recognized by the government - the right to LIFE, liberty, the pursuit of happiness.

Those rights are being taken from me in the actions of our state legislature and the Department of Justice and Drug Enforcement Administration.  I fear my caregiver will be raided.  I fear my caregiver will lose the ability to grow and provide my medication.  This fear is something I wake up with every morning.

Please help those in your community by standing up to the government and saying, "BE REASONABLE!"  I am so disappointed that fear-mongering has caused an issue that has saved my life to become something that has so many untruths and falsehoods associated with it.  Please research the TRUTH, find FACTS, and PUBLISH THEM for all to read!  Write to your paper and tell them how you feel.  Stand with those of us who need medicinal cannabis and pray you'll never need a medicine like this.  When you need it, it won't be there unless you speak up and demand to be heard!

Sorry for all the capital letters - I am getting off my soapbox for now!

What I've been doing

I have been really busy with LIFE!  I can't tell you how amazing it is to say that!  This post, however, is due to the need to address medicinal cannabis laws in the United States.  I am writing an e-mail to my US representative, Denny Rehberg, R-MT.

This is what I've decided to send...

************************

As a medicinal cannabis patient in Montana, I am living in fear. For over 30 years I have suffered from chronic pelvic pain with no diagnosable cause.  I first tried medicinal cannabis about 10 weeks ago.  As of June 1st, I am finally off all the morphine I have had to take for well over a decade!  As for my decision to pursue the use of medicinal cannabis, I did as much research as I could before I decided to try it.   I will not smoke cannabis, however I believe people who smoke medicinal cannabis do so because it best addresses their symptoms. I have chosen to ingest it and this is where I am running into huge problems with the law of the state of Montana and the laws of the USA.  I have been given the right to use cannabis by my compassionate fellow voters and the benefits I have found (other than pain relief) have been wonderful!  I was able to attend my son's wedding in another state less than 2 weeks after I found a chemist who can make the tinctures and lozenges I need to get through the day.

What I am most afraid of is that I will need medicine after July 1, 2011, and I will find my caregiver either out of business or I'll find his business attacked by the DEA in a show of farce - and I say FARCE because I believe the Department of Justice and DEA both know they need to let alone those who grow and use medicinal cannabis.  What are people like myself supposed to do?  I cannot grow my own cannabis and I certainly cannot extract the medicines from the cannabis, as I am not a chemist and I do not have the equipment or the knowledge.

I know the American public overwhelmingly supports medical marijuana, and I'm writing to ask you, as my elected representative, to uphold your constituents' wishes. These bills are a simple and effective solution that would settle states' confusion over the implementation of medical marijuana programs once and for all.

The care and treatment of a person's pain, health issues, and quality of life should not be decided by politicians or voters - it should be decided by a physician and the person themselves.  A patients' quality of life should not be threatened by the executive branch's latest whims.  I believe you respect this idea and this is why I am writing to you.  I don't want other people to live in the fear I currently experience because of the laws related to medicinal cannabis.  That's why I'm asking that you support HR 1983, 1984, and 1985 which would unambiguously protect medical marijuana programs under federal law.

Please show the people of Montana that you respect their voice, their vote, to give people who have pain and other health issues the relief and compassion they deserve as a human.  Until the federal government decides to leave the cannabis community alone, we need your strong voice and your compassion to help us in this fight.  Please help us convey to the federal government that Americans - HUMANS -  have the right to live a healthy and happy life and until the federal government acts, those who provide and who rely upon this life-changing medicine need to be protected.

Please don't disappoint your constituents!
*********************************

I need to sit down and write up what has changed since I tried MMJ.  As you've read in my letter to Rep. Rehberg, it has been an amazing thing to come into my life!  I can honestly say I have never met more awesome and intelligent people than those fighting for the legalization of medicinal cannabis.  People who have immense compassion for others, yet will stand up and tell you where you are wrong.  It's done in a very loving manner and I am so grateful for these people!  I only wish, pray, hope, that this issue becomes moot very soon!

A step in an uncertain direction

A few months before the election where voters of Montana overwhelmingly legalized medical marijuana, I asked my primary physician, Dr.D, where he stood on the topic. He told me it wasn't necessary and there was a synthetic drug, Marinol, that did what marijuana could and was legal. I can't recall his exact words, but it left me thinking he would never approve marijuana for me in a medical capacity if it passed muster with the voters.  He didn't even offer Marinol for me to try in my current treatment.

I don't have many secrets in my life and I am not ashamed to say I voted for the use of marijuana in a medical capacity. Having suffered through so many years with chronic pain and knowing how this pain has impacted my life, I wanted people in Montana (and the rest of the world) to have the relief brought by marijuana.  Upon saying this please understand I have NEVER used illicit drugs. Never. I have been in the same room as someone smoking pot once, for about 30 seconds, and that is the extent of my personal experience with marijuana.

Last week I decided to ask another doctor for his opinion and possibly get him to sign the physician's statement to obtain my medicinal marijuana card (MMC.)  I called the Montana Caregivers Network and talked to a really nice lady who told me she thinks I could be helped significantly by the use of medicinal marijuana. My doctor's appointment was set up for two days later.  I faxed my medical records and two days later I spoke with the doctor who has given me more hope than I've had in a very long time. He asked me if I decided on medical marijuana because of previous marijuana use, whereupon I told him I have never used marijuana, that the only things I know about it are what I've read on the Internet.  He asked if I've spoken to other medical marijuana users or caregivers (the people who grow marijuana for patients) about their experiences. I have read a lot of things about how to use cannabis and how to make tinctures, recipes for edibles, and the like, but I haven't talked to either those who grow marijuana for cardholders or someone who uses medicinal cannabis. I truly don't know if he believed me.

I was honestly shocked when he told me he believes I'd be a very good candidate for marijuana as medicine and said he would sign the form I need to submit to the state for my MMC.  He also said I would probably find edibles and tinctures work better and that he encourages his patients to use them. He told me if I have any medical questions to call and he'd answer them.

I felt a spark of hope in the dark world of pain I've lived in for nearly 30 years.

As good as it is to have that glimmer of hope, I have to say this is still really hard for me. It's hard to say, "I need help and it seems no one is willing to help me get it," or, "I need something so serious that in many places it's actually breaking the law."

I have asked about other tests or for other treatments but those have been denied.  The one request I am really shocked about having been denied is a morphine pump.  A morphine pump is about the size of a hockey puck and would put very tiny amounts of morphine into my spinal fluid, dealing with the pain.  AND I wouldn't have to take pain pills anymore! It would involve a short surgery and I would (hopefully) have less pain so I could have a life.

Instead, I am going to pursue the legal use of an illicit drug for the possible relief of the pain that has had me in bondage as far back as I can remember.  I will chronicle my journey and experiences here for others to read so they can possibly understand they are not as alone as they might feel.

Using medical cannabis is a huge mental issue for me. I do not yet know why, but I will explore that here as well.

You are welcome to come along on my journey.