I know I haven't written in a while. I've been really struggling to decide on whether to send in my card application.
But as I was searching the interwebs I came across these awesome cell phone charms! How cute can you get?
They make me hungry for Christmas cookies! Dipped in chocolate, a little whipped cream on them...
NOM!
However, the little crystals are THE BEST PART!
I hope you have a wonderful holiday season - peace and love to all!
Monday, November 22, 2010
Friday, October 1, 2010
A step in an uncertain direction
A few months before the election where voters of Montana overwhelmingly legalized medical marijuana, I asked my primary physician, Dr.D, where he stood on the topic. He told me it wasn't necessary and there was a synthetic drug, Marinol, that did what marijuana could and was legal. I can't recall his exact words, but it left me thinking he would never approve marijuana for me in a medical capacity if it passed muster with the voters. He didn't even offer Marinol for me to try in my current treatment.
I don't have many secrets in my life and I am not ashamed to say I voted for the use of marijuana in a medical capacity. Having suffered through so many years with chronic pain and knowing how this pain has impacted my life, I wanted people in Montana (and the rest of the world) to have the relief brought by marijuana. Upon saying this please understand I have NEVER used illicit drugs. Never. I have been in the same room as someone smoking pot once, for about 30 seconds, and that is the extent of my personal experience with marijuana.
Last week I decided to ask another doctor for his opinion and possibly get him to sign the physician's statement to obtain my medicinal marijuana card (MMC.) I called the Montana Caregivers Network and talked to a really nice lady who told me she thinks I could be helped significantly by the use of medicinal marijuana. My doctor's appointment was set up for two days later. I faxed my medical records and two days later I spoke with the doctor who has given me more hope than I've had in a very long time. He asked me if I decided on medical marijuana because of previous marijuana use, whereupon I told him I have never used marijuana, that the only things I know about it are what I've read on the Internet. He asked if I've spoken to other medical marijuana users or caregivers (the people who grow marijuana for patients) about their experiences. I have read a lot of things about how to use cannabis and how to make tinctures, recipes for edibles, and the like, but I haven't talked to either those who grow marijuana for cardholders or someone who uses medicinal cannabis. I truly don't know if he believed me.
I was honestly shocked when he told me he believes I'd be a very good candidate for marijuana as medicine and said he would sign the form I need to submit to the state for my MMC. He also said I would probably find edibles and tinctures work better and that he encourages his patients to use them. He told me if I have any medical questions to call and he'd answer them.
I felt a spark of hope in the dark world of pain I've lived in for nearly 30 years.
As good as it is to have that glimmer of hope, I have to say this is still really hard for me. It's hard to say, "I need help and it seems no one is willing to help me get it," or, "I need something so serious that in many places it's actually breaking the law."
I have asked about other tests or for other treatments but those have been denied. The one request I am really shocked about having been denied is a morphine pump. A morphine pump is about the size of a hockey puck and would put very tiny amounts of morphine into my spinal fluid, dealing with the pain. AND I wouldn't have to take pain pills anymore! It would involve a short surgery and I would (hopefully) have less pain so I could have a life.
Instead, I am going to pursue the legal use of an illicit drug for the possible relief of the pain that has had me in bondage as far back as I can remember. I will chronicle my journey and experiences here for others to read so they can possibly understand they are not as alone as they might feel.
Using medical cannabis is a huge mental issue for me. I do not yet know why, but I will explore that here as well.
You are welcome to come along on my journey.
I don't have many secrets in my life and I am not ashamed to say I voted for the use of marijuana in a medical capacity. Having suffered through so many years with chronic pain and knowing how this pain has impacted my life, I wanted people in Montana (and the rest of the world) to have the relief brought by marijuana. Upon saying this please understand I have NEVER used illicit drugs. Never. I have been in the same room as someone smoking pot once, for about 30 seconds, and that is the extent of my personal experience with marijuana.
Last week I decided to ask another doctor for his opinion and possibly get him to sign the physician's statement to obtain my medicinal marijuana card (MMC.) I called the Montana Caregivers Network and talked to a really nice lady who told me she thinks I could be helped significantly by the use of medicinal marijuana. My doctor's appointment was set up for two days later. I faxed my medical records and two days later I spoke with the doctor who has given me more hope than I've had in a very long time. He asked me if I decided on medical marijuana because of previous marijuana use, whereupon I told him I have never used marijuana, that the only things I know about it are what I've read on the Internet. He asked if I've spoken to other medical marijuana users or caregivers (the people who grow marijuana for patients) about their experiences. I have read a lot of things about how to use cannabis and how to make tinctures, recipes for edibles, and the like, but I haven't talked to either those who grow marijuana for cardholders or someone who uses medicinal cannabis. I truly don't know if he believed me.
I was honestly shocked when he told me he believes I'd be a very good candidate for marijuana as medicine and said he would sign the form I need to submit to the state for my MMC. He also said I would probably find edibles and tinctures work better and that he encourages his patients to use them. He told me if I have any medical questions to call and he'd answer them.
I felt a spark of hope in the dark world of pain I've lived in for nearly 30 years.
As good as it is to have that glimmer of hope, I have to say this is still really hard for me. It's hard to say, "I need help and it seems no one is willing to help me get it," or, "I need something so serious that in many places it's actually breaking the law."
I have asked about other tests or for other treatments but those have been denied. The one request I am really shocked about having been denied is a morphine pump. A morphine pump is about the size of a hockey puck and would put very tiny amounts of morphine into my spinal fluid, dealing with the pain. AND I wouldn't have to take pain pills anymore! It would involve a short surgery and I would (hopefully) have less pain so I could have a life.
Instead, I am going to pursue the legal use of an illicit drug for the possible relief of the pain that has had me in bondage as far back as I can remember. I will chronicle my journey and experiences here for others to read so they can possibly understand they are not as alone as they might feel.
Using medical cannabis is a huge mental issue for me. I do not yet know why, but I will explore that here as well.
You are welcome to come along on my journey.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
I've Tried to be a Good Pain Patient!
Lately I've been reading "The Pain Chronicles" by Melanie Thernstrom and I've learned a lot about pain. I strongly recommend this book to anyone who has pain or lives with someone who has pain. I recently read a chapter about being a good pain patient and I have tried to remember times when I might NOT have been a "good" pain patient. I couldn't come up with anything unless asking for different procedures or tests to find the cause of this pain constitutes being a BAD pain patient.
Having some medical background (former EMT, nursing student, and lifelong medical freak) I know how difficult it is for a doctor to take pain at face value unless there is some obvious injury. I think that's what kept me from seeking help in the first few years. My primary doctor, Dr. D., referred me to a doctor who specializes in rehabilitation and pain, Dr.P. What follows is something that occurred while I was seeing Dr.P for many years. After this incident I have struggled to find the point where I was a bad pain patient. Read on and I think you'll see why I say this.
I would see Dr. P, get my assignment for Physical Therapy (PT) or a new medication, increase in dosage, or some other treatment such as a TENS (transcutaneal electrical nerve stimulation) unit. I would call his office after a specified period of time to report to his nurse and set up an appointment.
At the time when this happened, I had been on opioids for a considerable time (at least a year, probably more like 3,) and I called to report on the dosage increase. I would also get my next appointment date and time, per usual. His nurse took my information, put me on hold (nothing new) and came back to the phone.
"When is my next appointment?"
"Just a moment..." she put me on hold again...
Nothing new - really - the lady who ran the appointment calendar could have been busy and she needed to address something else. I'm used to being put on hold in a doctor's office.
"Dawn? Dr.P. said he does not want to see you again."
My jaw dropped. "He what?"
"Dr.P doesn't want to see you again. He suggests you follow up with your primary doctor."
"Why won't he see me?"
"He didn't say. He just said he didn't want to see you again."
Now that I look back on this, it's like a junior-high-school boy (who has no balls) using some common female to break up with his girlfriend. Wow. I had the ULTIMATE respect for Dr.P until he wouldn't tell me WHY he wouldn't see me any longer. He didn't tell Dr.D either.
I'm shaking my head, thinking how I have gone NOWHERE since my appointments with Dr.P - - well, except the increase in my opioids that Dr.D won't increase anymore.
Is THIS the way to treat a pain patient?
Having some medical background (former EMT, nursing student, and lifelong medical freak) I know how difficult it is for a doctor to take pain at face value unless there is some obvious injury. I think that's what kept me from seeking help in the first few years. My primary doctor, Dr. D., referred me to a doctor who specializes in rehabilitation and pain, Dr.P. What follows is something that occurred while I was seeing Dr.P for many years. After this incident I have struggled to find the point where I was a bad pain patient. Read on and I think you'll see why I say this.
I would see Dr. P, get my assignment for Physical Therapy (PT) or a new medication, increase in dosage, or some other treatment such as a TENS (transcutaneal electrical nerve stimulation) unit. I would call his office after a specified period of time to report to his nurse and set up an appointment.
At the time when this happened, I had been on opioids for a considerable time (at least a year, probably more like 3,) and I called to report on the dosage increase. I would also get my next appointment date and time, per usual. His nurse took my information, put me on hold (nothing new) and came back to the phone.
"When is my next appointment?"
"Just a moment..." she put me on hold again...
Nothing new - really - the lady who ran the appointment calendar could have been busy and she needed to address something else. I'm used to being put on hold in a doctor's office.
"Dawn? Dr.P. said he does not want to see you again."
My jaw dropped. "He what?"
"Dr.P doesn't want to see you again. He suggests you follow up with your primary doctor."
"Why won't he see me?"
"He didn't say. He just said he didn't want to see you again."
Now that I look back on this, it's like a junior-high-school boy (who has no balls) using some common female to break up with his girlfriend. Wow. I had the ULTIMATE respect for Dr.P until he wouldn't tell me WHY he wouldn't see me any longer. He didn't tell Dr.D either.
I'm shaking my head, thinking how I have gone NOWHERE since my appointments with Dr.P - - well, except the increase in my opioids that Dr.D won't increase anymore.
Is THIS the way to treat a pain patient?
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
What does one do when frustration builds?
I have had so much pain lately that I am at the end of my creative rope. By that I mean that I don't know what else to do so I can find some sort of relief from this pain. I live day in, day out, with chronic pelvic pain. It's about where one would experience appendix pain in early appendicitis - on the lower, right hand side of my abdomen. I have had surgeries to remove my uterus (hysterectomy,) my ovaries (oophorectomy,) my gall bladder (cholecystectomy... and I know that's not in the lower right of my abdomen but it was causing a lot of pain!) I have also had exploratory surgeries to see why I might be having pain both before and after the -ectomies I mentioned.
When I was 15 I was diagnosed with endometriosis. This is where the lining of the uterus somehow starts growing outside the uterus in places like the abdominal cavity or on the ovaries. At that time the doctor who did the exploratory surgery said I was the youngest case he'd ever seen. All I remember is it hurt all the time and was worse during my period.
Over the past few months this pain has gotten so much worse. I am beyond tears right now. I don't know how many people know the frustration of going to the doctor, finding out the doctor is not in and someone is on call for them, then having THAT doctor say "I think it's all in your head," or "I'm not going to support your habit!" It is much too hard for me to deal with.
I have decided to get my medicinal marijuana card. This decision has taken me a couple years to make. Montana has legalized medicinal marijuana but there are some problems. Right now I want some relief from the pain I live with every day. Even if the pain is decreased, allowing me to go to the grocery store or see a movie with my dear husband, that would be wonderful! This blog will chronicle my life as I am pursuing a life with much less pain than I am feeling now.
If you have pain and can empathize with parts of this post, I am sorry you live with such a condition. I hope you will find relief and I hope Pain will become a condition in and of itself - not just something secondary to an injury. The pain I've had has gone undiagnosed and untreated for so many years that I believe it has rewired my body so it always feels pain. If, miraculously, a cause for this pain is found, I will be so relieved! I also won't be getting my hopes up that correcting the cause will alleviate the pain.
Off we go into this journey through the system - trying to find something to help me function on a day-to-day basis. I hope you'll join me!
When I was 15 I was diagnosed with endometriosis. This is where the lining of the uterus somehow starts growing outside the uterus in places like the abdominal cavity or on the ovaries. At that time the doctor who did the exploratory surgery said I was the youngest case he'd ever seen. All I remember is it hurt all the time and was worse during my period.
Over the past few months this pain has gotten so much worse. I am beyond tears right now. I don't know how many people know the frustration of going to the doctor, finding out the doctor is not in and someone is on call for them, then having THAT doctor say "I think it's all in your head," or "I'm not going to support your habit!" It is much too hard for me to deal with.
I have decided to get my medicinal marijuana card. This decision has taken me a couple years to make. Montana has legalized medicinal marijuana but there are some problems. Right now I want some relief from the pain I live with every day. Even if the pain is decreased, allowing me to go to the grocery store or see a movie with my dear husband, that would be wonderful! This blog will chronicle my life as I am pursuing a life with much less pain than I am feeling now.
If you have pain and can empathize with parts of this post, I am sorry you live with such a condition. I hope you will find relief and I hope Pain will become a condition in and of itself - not just something secondary to an injury. The pain I've had has gone undiagnosed and untreated for so many years that I believe it has rewired my body so it always feels pain. If, miraculously, a cause for this pain is found, I will be so relieved! I also won't be getting my hopes up that correcting the cause will alleviate the pain.
Off we go into this journey through the system - trying to find something to help me function on a day-to-day basis. I hope you'll join me!
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