A few months before the election where voters of Montana overwhelmingly legalized medical marijuana, I asked my primary physician, Dr.D, where he stood on the topic. He told me it wasn't necessary and there was a synthetic drug, Marinol, that did what marijuana could and was legal. I can't recall his exact words, but it left me thinking he would never approve marijuana for me in a medical capacity if it passed muster with the voters. He didn't even offer Marinol for me to try in my current treatment.
I don't have many secrets in my life and I am not ashamed to say I voted for the use of marijuana in a medical capacity. Having suffered through so many years with chronic pain and knowing how this pain has impacted my life, I wanted people in Montana (and the rest of the world) to have the relief brought by marijuana. Upon saying this please understand I have NEVER used illicit drugs. Never. I have been in the same room as someone smoking pot once, for about 30 seconds, and that is the extent of my personal experience with marijuana.
Last week I decided to ask another doctor for his opinion and possibly get him to sign the physician's statement to obtain my medicinal marijuana card (MMC.) I called the Montana Caregivers Network and talked to a really nice lady who told me she thinks I could be helped significantly by the use of medicinal marijuana. My doctor's appointment was set up for two days later. I faxed my medical records and two days later I spoke with the doctor who has given me more hope than I've had in a very long time. He asked me if I decided on medical marijuana because of previous marijuana use, whereupon I told him I have never used marijuana, that the only things I know about it are what I've read on the Internet. He asked if I've spoken to other medical marijuana users or caregivers (the people who grow marijuana for patients) about their experiences. I have read a lot of things about how to use cannabis and how to make tinctures, recipes for edibles, and the like, but I haven't talked to either those who grow marijuana for cardholders or someone who uses medicinal cannabis. I truly don't know if he believed me.
I was honestly shocked when he told me he believes I'd be a very good candidate for marijuana as medicine and said he would sign the form I need to submit to the state for my MMC. He also said I would probably find edibles and tinctures work better and that he encourages his patients to use them. He told me if I have any medical questions to call and he'd answer them.
I felt a spark of hope in the dark world of pain I've lived in for nearly 30 years.
As good as it is to have that glimmer of hope, I have to say this is still really hard for me. It's hard to say, "I need help and it seems no one is willing to help me get it," or, "I need something so serious that in many places it's actually breaking the law."
I have asked about other tests or for other treatments but those have been denied. The one request I am really shocked about having been denied is a morphine pump. A morphine pump is about the size of a hockey puck and would put very tiny amounts of morphine into my spinal fluid, dealing with the pain. AND I wouldn't have to take pain pills anymore! It would involve a short surgery and I would (hopefully) have less pain so I could have a life.
Instead, I am going to pursue the legal use of an illicit drug for the possible relief of the pain that has had me in bondage as far back as I can remember. I will chronicle my journey and experiences here for others to read so they can possibly understand they are not as alone as they might feel.
Using medical cannabis is a huge mental issue for me. I do not yet know why, but I will explore that here as well.
You are welcome to come along on my journey.
