And we wait........

Fortunately we don't have to wait too long.  I want to be optimistic about the whole hearing - the lawsuit filed against the State of Montana in regards to Senate Bill 423 - I do want to be upbeat and believe the judge will find in our favor.

And I am very scared.

I have lived with pain over 30 years, spent the last 10 on huge doses of morphine.  Sometimes I'd need to get 1-2 shots of demerol in a week to help manage breakthrough pain.  After being on heavy narcotics (Fentanyl included) I have determined two things.

1) Morphine nearly works in relieving pain.

2) Demerol makes you so you just don't CARE that you are in pain.

And something I have recently discovered - AFTER TRYING MEDICAL CANNABIS:  I have a life!

Really - I am still working on getting up the strength to clean the house, do the laundry and enjoy some outside activities, but I didn't know I'd actually LOOK FORWARD to doing things!  I want to take a shower and I actually have the energy to get up and do it!  For the first time since I can remember, I'm getting up before 8am most mornings!  On all the narcotics, if I woke up by 10am, that would be a miracle! Some days I would surface and look at the time, then I'd be aware I'd done that again and again, and it would be nearly noon.  I don't have all the cloudiness now.

My husband and I have been able to drive around, go out for dinner (I have an appetite!) and take walks with each other.  He says it's "like night and day" and I have to agree with him.

So, as we wait for the case to wrap up, wait for the judge to render his decision, the whole state has stopped breathing.

Or so it feels.  I need to remind myself to keep breathing.  Now if only I could tell the opponents to medicinal cannabis to get their heads out of the ground, READ THE SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH, and STOP THE DISCRIMINATION...

Wow - I think I just did!  Next person on my "must tell" list - my father. I am accumulating the books and papers I believe I'll need to ward off any anti-pot stuff I know he'll share with me.  He's a recovering alcoholic and the anti-cannabis sentiments are rampant with him.  When he finds out - I am scared of his reaction but mostly because I won't be prepared to rebut his false beliefs.  If you have something that you believe might be a help to me and others who need to hear the TRUTH, please let me know!

And keep breathing - slowly and regularly.  Inhale... exhale...  it's gonna be okay.  Eventually.

And that I need to believe most of all.